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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30074463">Gentle Spring</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greetomatic/pseuds/Greetomatic'>Greetomatic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Trans Female Character, Trans Hyuuga Hinata, Trans Male Character, Trans Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:15:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30074463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greetomatic/pseuds/Greetomatic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A Hinata character study about being trans and what to do after losing everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Gentle Spring</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Reading Naruto and then writing Naruto fanfic in 2021 is cool actually. Not necessarily canon compliant because I haven't watched the anime, and I'm not done reading Shippuden.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            One spring night when I was a few months old, my father heard a crashing sound coming from my room. Fearing something that happened to my attendant, he came into my room, activated his byakugan, and looked for an intruder. In the end, it was only a tanuki that had snuck into my toy chest, but as my father drove the animal outside, he glanced inside my crib. He went right back to my mother, and told her, “Our son is a girl.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Well, that’s the story my dad has told me, anyway. I don’t really know if it’s true or not, I guess, but it is true that my parents knew that I was a girl before I was even able to speak…I think. I was so young, of course I didn’t really understand. From my oldest memories, I’ve always been a girl. My father only told me what happened a few years later, when I saw my cousin get out of the bath, and I asked him why she looked different from me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Apparently, the way that chakra flows through the body can tell you a lot about a person. How strong they are, their general disposition, and even who they are as people. Over the generations, masters of the gentle fist noticed patterns in the chakra of boys who wanted to be girls, and girls who wanted to be boys. Their Keirakukei was more like the gender they identified with than the sex they were born as. I…don’t understand entirely how it works, to be honest. I’ve always been happy living as a girl, so I don’t think about it all that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            My father thought that if I was raised as a boy and others in the clan realized the discrepancy in my chakra, I would be attacked as a malformity. He decided to keep the circumstances of my birth secret, and used the gentle fist to alter the production of hormones in my body to fit other girls. Sometimes, I wonder if I should be angry with him that he altered my body like that without my consent. Even with everything the clan has done to me, I just… I don’t know why, but I can’t hate them, I suppose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I loved my parents, and my parents loved me back, at first. I was the heir to the Hyuga clan, and so they had great expectations for me. They doted on me, and had attendants get anything that I asked for. I was always surrounded by family, and everyone was so nice to me. It felt like I was really loved and cherished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The clan started training me in the ninja arts when I was just a toddler. Tutors taught me how to channel chakra, told me everything there is to know about different ninjitsu, and how the byakugan works. Apparently, they realized quickly that I had almost no aptitude for any of it. My chakra came out erratically, like water sputtering out of the sink. I had trouble paying attention during lessons, and I hardly remember anything. Worst of all, I absolutely hated training. I used to hide in closets, in the laundry room, and even in bushes to try to avoid it. I should have realized it’s pointless to hide from byakugan users.</p>
<p>            That was also around the age that I first met Neji. I don’t remember everything about how we were back then, it was so long ago. I think I looked up to him. He was so cool, and so pretty, too. Even know we weren’t actually siblings, he treated me like his little sister, and I thought of him as my older brother. My lessons and training sessions were a lot more bearable when Neji would sit in with me, cracking jokes, giving me advice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I had no idea what happened during the kidnapping attempt. I was knocked out by the intruder’s jutsu, so it just felt like a peaceful night’s sleep. When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar bed, and everyone around me was panicking. I swear, I didn’t know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The goodwill my family held for me faded quickly. My mother had another child, my sister Hanabi. I was so excited to have a little sister, I could hardly stand it. I daydreamed about getting to play with her, to be the cool, kind older sister that I guess I wanted. But my parents tried to keep me away from Hanabi, and started acting curt with me. I was afraid that I was angering them, so I tried to get closer to them. One night, my father exploded at me, screaming and telling me to get out of his sight. I couldn’t understand what I had done. I had no idea what had happened to uncle. I ran off crying, it was never the same with my parents again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Hanabi is my younger sister, so of course I love her, but I think I don’t really know her that well, either. She started spending time with the tutors I used to have, and apparently was doing a much better job. I heard adults whispering, wishing that I could be more like Hanabi, or that Neji had been born to the main branch instead of the retainer branch. Of course, at that point, Neji hated me. He wouldn’t acknowledge my existence, except to beat me with far more brutality than was necessary in spars. I didn’t know why he hated me. I just wanted my older brother back.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            I spent a lot of time wandering the family mansion alone. The only thing I had to look forward to was entering the academy. I’d get to spend every day with kids my age, and I’d make lots of friends outside of my family, I was sure. My father attended the entrance ceremony, but his eyes looked distant, like he didn’t really see me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I still remember the first day that I met Naruto. It was that same day, my very first at the academy. I was spending recess alone, picking dandelions in the academy courtyard. I was having trouble getting the nerve to talk to other kids. Some older kids came up and started taunting me. To be completely honest, I’m not even sure I remember what about. But before I realized it, this kid with bright orange hair and the most intense look in his face, ran in front of me, spreading his arms out big.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            “Knock it off, assholes!” he shouted. I cowered behind him, surprised to hear a kid my age use language like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The bullies came closer to Naruto, to the point where they were practically face to face. “Do you kiss your mom with that mouth? Oh wait!” One of them taunted, and then they all burst out laughing.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            Naruto punched the bully in the face. But Naruto was still a small kid, and it was three versus one. He never could have stood a chance, and he must’ve known that. He ended up flat on the dirt, with several nasty bruises, and a big lump on his head. But the bullies left, and I was safe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I started crying, and tried to call an adult to help Naruto. Before anyone could come, he sat up, and looked back at me with a big grin on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “Are you okay? My name’s Naruto!” He said, almost shouting. I was so shocked I didn’t know how to respond, so I just nodded. Naruto stood up, and reached down his hand to help me up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “Just call on me if they give you any more trouble!” he said, and smiled even wider. I still didn’t know what to do, so I just ran away. It was so stupid. I had no idea what he was going through, or how lonely he was. He must’ve thought I hated him too. I was such a stupid kid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I started paying closer attention to Naruto then. He was a bad student, about as bad as I was. He was a class clown too, playing the part of the fool to try to make other people laugh, even though they all treated him so horribly. I knew it was all an act, but I couldn’t understand how he managed to keep it up. How he stayed so kind and energetic when no one else respected him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The worst bullying Naruto received was about his gender. He was the first person I met who was like me. Or, well, like me, but the other way around, I guess. But unlike me, Naruto didn’t have anyone using the gentle fist so he would grow up the way he needed to. Not only that, but everyone in the village knew. None of us kids knew this, but to the adults, the “girl” with the nine tails inside her started proclaiming that he was actually a boy, and wouldn’t take it from anyone who said otherwise. News must have spread from people’s parents, and so kids made it their mission to make Naruto’s life as terrible as possible. Harassing him when he was trying to go to the bathroom, calling him a sissy, a shemale…It was just so awful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I wanted to approach him and be his friend. Of course I did. But I think part of me was scared of being bullied like he was, of the other kids finding out that I was just like him. The other part of me had hopelessly fallen in love, even though I didn’t know it at the time. Whenever I looked across the room at him and saw his big, carefree smile, my heart started pounding, I got sweaty, and I almost felt a little sick from the nerves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            When other girls started talking about their crushes, I think I finally realized how I felt about Naruto. No one else felt that way about Naruto, of course. Everyone mostly just spent their time bickering about Sasuke. But when I looked at Naruto, I felt this, like, welling in my chest. Like I just wanted to hold him, and look in his eyes, and spend time with him. Gods, it was so embarrassing, looking back at it. I didn’t know what to do with my feelings, and I just… wanted to hug him. Hear him say my name. When I thought about that, my face went bright red, and my thoughts would shut down. I became more afraid than anything to talk to him, to the point it almost became a complex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Everyone else must have known, except for Naruto. He had his eyes too focused on Sakura to notice me much. It’s not like I could hate Sakura for it. She was nice, and a hard worker, even if she acted a little strangely around Sasuke. I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me, obsessing with a boy who didn’t even see me, too afraid to even talk to him. I of course hoped that I would get assigned to the same team as Naruto, so I would have an opportunity to get closer to him. Of course this didn’t happen, and, well, at about the same time, my life began to fall apart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I was assigned to Team 8, under Kurenai. I suppose I was pretty lucky to have Kiba and Shino as my teammates. I got the feeling that they were also weirdos, like they didn’t fit in completely. Others were creeped out by Shino’s bugs, and made fun of Kiba for bringing his dog everywhere with him. They acted nice enough towards me, and I was grateful for it.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            That same day, Kurenai walked me home. I was nervous around my new teacher, and I didn’t know why she was accompanying me, so I didn’t say anything. When I got home, father and Hanabi were waiting for me. Father told me to fight Hanabi, to show my worth as a member of the Hyuga clan. Kurenai tried to object, but my father wouldn’t hear it. How could I fight my sister? I started crying, preparing to go against the sister I loved. I couldn’t fight her seriously. I didn’t have it in me to hurt her. By then, I had an understanding of the basics of the gentle fist, but I held back. I’m not sure I could have beaten her even if I had tried. Father disinherited me, and left me with Kurenai.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            That’s the gist of what happened, anyway. Thinking back to that day is difficult for me, even now.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            Kurenai took me to her house, and I spent the whole night crying. I think Kurenai wanted to help me, but she didn’t know what to do. I was so exhausted the next morning, I slept through what was supposed to be the first day of training with my teammates. When Kurenai came back that night, I broke down and told her everything. Even about how I was born. I was so scared that she would kick me out too, thinking that I’m wrong, that I’m broken. That I shouldn’t exist. Instead, she sat down next to me, took out a cloth, and wiped the tears away from my eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “Hinata, do you want to be a girl?” she asked me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I nodded, trying to hold back my tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “Then you are a girl. No one can take that away from you, Hinata. Your family can’t take that away from you. If you know who you are, then no one can make you feel bad.” I feel asleep crying into her arms that night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Kurenai was my first real ally in the village. I know it sounds silly, but I kind of think of her like my big sister. She taught me how girls act and speak, and what mannerisms to use. I used to stay up late past my bedtime practicing in front of a mirror, moving my hands, looking at my expressions, until I was sure no one would know. Soon, Shino and Kiba began to accept me, and I saw them as friends, too. I’m lucky that they were kind enough to understand when I was hurting too much to spend time training with them, or if I made mistakes on my mission. In hindsight, it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t get put on a team with Naruto. Without Shino and Kiba’s kindness, I don’t think I would have made it this far.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I spent a lot of nights at the hot springs back then. I used some of the money my clan had left for me to get a private spring reserved for me whenever I needed, and so I ended up going almost every night. I liked to soak for hours at a time, to just let go and dissolve into the water. I would let the heat seep deep into my bones until all I could feel was a tingly sensation at the end of my fingers and toes. Other times, I would focus on the leaves floating on the surface of the water, suspended gently and swaying in the ripples, getting slowly wetter and wetter until they submerged to the bottom. If I could float for long enough, it was like I wasn’t really there at all. Just water, the rocks, the sky, and the feeling of weightlessness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            It’s a unique kind of pain to be uprooted from your entire life like that. It’s… not exactly the pain of not having a place to belong, but more about imagining one thing for your whole life, only to find out that what you imagined was never there in the first place. You begin to doubt reality, in a sense. Maybe that’s part of growing up, realizing that the world isn’t what you thought it was, what you wanted it to be, so badly. I missed my parents. I missed my sister. I missed my brother. More than anything I had ever felt before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            There wasn’t any one moment where I started to recover. Routines started getting easier, I got distracted on missions less, and I spent more of my free time with Shino and Kiba. I focused more on training, learning how to best use the byakugan, and becoming more intimate with the flow of chakra in my own body. I was still the weakest member of the team, though. I think Kurenai was disappointed with how quickly I gave in to difficulties. The others got a head start on training when I was hurting too much, and I wasn’t able to catch up with them. Shino and Kiba never blamed me, and they wouldn’t let me apologize for my weakness, either. I wanted to be a strong teammate for them, but the motivation felt distant and faint. Confronting my shortcomings was hard, but floating away is easy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I hadn’t been thinking much about Naruto during this time. I saw glimpses of him once in a while, but for the most part, either he was out on a mission with his team, or I was out on a mission with my team. I think time sort of slipped away with all of the travel and training. Before I realized, it was almost time for the Chūnin Exam. Kurenai was trying to get us to take it, but I in no way felt ready. I started to question if now was the time to give on being a ninja, before I got seriously hurt. Why had I started on this path in the first place?</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            I don’t think it would exactly be fair to say Naruto inspired me to take my training seriously, but maybe that’s what happened. I had been stuck inside my own pain for so long that it was hard to imagine any way out, if that makes sense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            It was about a month until the Chūnin Exam. I had stopped at a ramen stall to get a bite to eat before meeting back up with my team. I had heard that Naruto had returned from a mission, but I was still surprised when he sat down next to me and ordered a bowl of tonkotsu ramen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            After proudly paying the chef from his froggy wallet, Naruto looked over at me, and then smiled. “Hey, I know you, right? Hinata, from Team 8!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I could feel myself blush. “Um…yeah, that’s right. Hi Naruto,” I stammered out. I suddenly realized that even with all my admiration for Naruto, I had hardly interacted with him, and I had no idea what to do.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            “My name’s that famous, huh?” Naruto laughed.</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>            “Oh, sorry, I just know the names of everyone in our year…” Naruto looked a little deflated. It was true that I knew everyone’s name, but it’s not like I would have forgotten his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            We sat in silence for a minute while our ramen heated. The silence was piercing. Gods, I was so stupid. I just didn’t know what to say to the boy I had admired for so long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The chef placed down two bowls of ramen in front of us. Naruto picked up his chopsticks and slurped down so many noodles I was a little worried he might choke. Suddenly, unprompted, he started talking again. “I just got back from a mission with my team! It was so cool, I totally showed up Sasuke!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Naruto told me about his mission and recounted his great exploits while we worked at our ramen. Apparently, they were investigating some disappearances around the village, when they were attacked by a group of bandits. I don’t know how much of it was true, but it was nice to listen to Naruto tell his story. He has a wonderful way of emoting, so full of life and energy and joy, I couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            After he finished his story and his ramen, Naruto swiveled his stool and looked at me. “What about you? How has your team been?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I was so surprised by his question, I answered honestly without really thinking. “Um…my team is great, I like them a lot. B-But I kind of think I might be holding them back. I… kind of wonder if I should quit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Naruto was always so inspiring and hardworking, I think I was hoping that he somehow could say the right words that would make me not give up, keep going towards my goal. Instead, he just looked puzzled for a second, and then said “You’re right. I think you should quit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            That wasn’t what I was hoping to hear. I tried to stammer out a response, but I couldn’t get the words together. Naruto continued. “Being a ninja is a lot of responsibility, y’know. People are depending on you. If you aren’t sure that you can do it, maybe you shouldn’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            He stood up and grinned. “It’s my shinobi way to never go back on my word, and that’s why I’m strong! Maybe your path doesn’t lie with the shinobi, and you have a different way to follow.” Naruto lay some coins on the counter as tip, and turned around to leave. “See ya, Hinata!” he said, completely unphased, like my whole world wasn’t shaken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I went back to the hot springs that night, and spent a lot of time thinking. Why had I started working to become a kunoichi? Because I was the heir to the great Hyuga clan. Except…I wasn’t anymore. I wasn’t even part of the Hyuga clan officially. I had continued training with Team 8 because that was what I was supposed to do before I lost everything. Did I want to do that? What did I actually want?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I wanted to be with my family. Not my clan, but my family. My father, my mother, my sister, my brother. I wanted them to love and respect me, but on my own terms. On my own merits.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I wanted to protect my friends. Shino and Kiba had given so much to me, I wanted to be able to repay their kindness. I knew that they were going to become ninja, and I wanted to be the kind of person that could watch their back and keep them safe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I wanted to prove the clan wrong. I wanted to show them that I could be capable and strong, that they had misjudged me. I wanted to show them that I could become strong without their help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I wanted to escape…everything that I had been feeling. I had been so focused on just surviving, I couldn’t look to the future or make goals for myself. I know that’s what I needed to do, but it hurt so much, all the time. I wanted to escape that. I didn’t want to be defined by the guilt and shame and failure that hung around me like impenetrable smoke. I wanted out, and I realized that the only way I could do that was with purpose and direction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I started training harder, harder even than Shino or Kiba. I only had a month until the exam, so I knew that I needed to put in the extra effort. I worked harder than I ever had before, maybe ever since. It hurt, a lot. My muscles screamed, every part of me ached from channeling all of the chakra that I had. When I felt like giving up, I tried to recenter myself, and remember why I needed to work so hard. It’s embarrassing, but I imagined Naruto cheering me on, telling me that I could achieve my dreams.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            When the exam came, I felt like I could finally stand next to Shino and Kiba proudly. It was a strange feeling, completely new to me. I thought I would be ready to tackle anything that the exam threw at me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            I wasn’t ready. But, like I said, I was a stupid kid.</p>
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